33.
Two women who had been friends for years, decided to go for a Girls Night Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the martinis. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a cemetery and one of them suggested they pee behind a headstone. The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away.
Her friend, however, was wearing rather expensive underwear and didn't want
to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. She dried herself with the ribbon. After finishing , they then made off for home.
The next day, the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said:
- This girls' night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home last night without her panties.
The other husband replied:
- That's nothing." said "Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION. WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU."
34.
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said:
- Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?
The fairy godmother replied:
- Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. "
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold Cinderella said:
- Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.
The fairy godmother replied:
- It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said;
- I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
- You have one more wish; what shall it be?
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says:
- I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said:
- Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered..........:
- Bet you're sorry now that you had me neutered.
35.
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
36.
A mother was working in her kitchen while listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now because this is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get you’re asses in cause we're leaving now."
His mom went into the living room very upset and told him, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for 2 hours. When you come out you can play with your train, but you must use nice language."
Two hours later the little boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and mother heard her son say,"All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you just boarding we ask you to store all your luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us. And for those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay please see the bitch in the kitchen."
37.
There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL ). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do ? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?!
SL: T he only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you!
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